Where Love Went Wrong:
Navigating Divorce after 50
After Joyce Seow’s marriage fell apart, she faced intense emotional struggles, reflecting a rising number of Singaporeans aged 50 to 59 going through similar struggles today.
Over the years, Singapore has seen a steady rise in divorce rates, driven by issues like infidelity, broken trust and communication issues, tearing people’s marriages apart.
Among them is Joyce Seow, a mother of 2 in her early 50’s. Joyce was happily married to a man she met while working at her family business. They bonded over shared mutual friends and interests and eventually decided to get married after 2-3 years.
However, their happiness did not last. Joyce’s then husband, often had to go to China for extended periods of time in order to grow their family business while Joyce would take care of her two young kids in Singapore. Initially, he would visit every 2 months or so, however his visits grew less frequent. He became secretive and got upset and defensive when asked to share the phone password. That’s when Joyce felt something was amiss.
“He started locking his phone and keeping it with him at all times plus checking on his phone a lot more than before.” Joyce said. Over time, his attitude towards her became colder as well.
Joyce eventually found out the painful truth -- he was having an affair with a woman from China. She tried to salvage their marriage, however the feelings they had for one another had faded. He felt trapped in the marriage, and she found it difficult to trust him again. In the end, she decided that getting a divorce would be a better option for them both.
Joyce is not alone in this situation. According to the Singapore department of statistics, divorce rates from people aged 50 to 59 years has increased ten-fold, from 2,600 in 1984 to 24,600 in 2024.
According to Claudia Doig, a registered Clinical Psychologist in Singapore working at Psychology blossom who specialises in couple therapy, mentioned that communication problems and cheating were some of the most common reasons why couples visited her for couples counselling.
“There can be a lot of things happening, lack of respect, lack of trust, lack of commitment, personality disorders, depression, mental disorders on one side or both”, said Claudia.
Claudia also brought up the fact that divorce can be quite messy especially when there are kids involved. “A divorce is going to be very difficult, because oftentimes there can be triangulation, getting the children involved, you know, telling them.”
Joyce’s situation was exactly that, as she had two young kids at the time. Her then-husband initially suggested staying together until the children were older, but they eventually settled on joint custody. The children lived with Joyce, while their father could visit freely.
Besides legal and parenting arrangements, Joyce also faced significant emotional turmoil throughout the divorce. She didn’t want to burden her family and friends, and she felt extremely lonely. It was difficult hiding her emotions from her kids, and she often would hide in her room or bathroom to cry, relying on sleeping pills to sleep at night.
Joyce added, “It was tough to meet my children’s classmates’ parents as they all seemed so happy. Most of them are regular families, not single parents, and it was a painful reminder of my divorce.”
Over time with support from friends and family, she was able to recover from the pain. Joyce maintained a cordial relationship with her ex-husband for the sake of her kids. Joyce continued, “Divorce was bitter enough, we both didn’t want to get into bitter fights over assets and children.”
“My highest priority in life are my children and ensuring their well-being, character development and by happy, without being negatively impacted by my divorce with their dad.”
Today, Joyce is happily remarried, “We are happily married for a number of years and my children stay with us and it feels like we are a regular family again.”
Relevant articles:
https://www.singaporedivorcelawyer.com.sg/divorce-rates-singapore/