No Rings, No Regrets

On frequent nights after work, Hannah Rheya Devaser, 36, returns to her flat, kicks off her shoes, and collapses onto the bed. The silence, for her, is not emptiness, it’s bliss.

“There are moments when I think, ‘Would life be easier with someone by my side?’” she says. “But then I remember the freedom I have. I can flop on my bed after a tough day and just switch off , no one else suffers because of that. Parents don’t have that luxury.”

Hannah once thought she’d be married with kids by her 30s. Today, she's single, content, and part of a growing demographic of Singaporean women who are rethinking traditional timelines, and rejecting the pressure to settle down.

In Singapore, a growing number of women in their 30s are choosing to remain unmarried — and many are thriving. According to Singapore’s Department of Statistics, the number of single women aged 30 to 39 has increased sharply over the past four decades — from 38,500 in 1980 to 106,300 at its peak in 2020. For the first time in recorded history, this group has outnumbered single men in the same age range.

Experts say this isn't just a demographic shift, it’s a mindset one.

In a 2024 Straits Times article, Professor Paulin Straughan of Singapore Management University observed, “Once all that education is done, I think most would want to take stock of where they’re heading now. More are pausing, trying to figure out what makes them happy and where they want to focus.”(Shermaine Ang, The Straits Times 2024)

For Hannah, the challenge isn’t singlehood, it’s the assumptions people make about it.`

“People think there must be some kind of great character flaw with you,” she says. “Or they label you as selfish, someone who just doesn’t want to share your time, space, or money with another person.”

But that perception is slowly changing. Dr Mathew Mathews, principal research fellow at the Institute of Policy Studies (IPS), told The Straits Times in June 2024, “The stigma towards those who are unmarried has rapidly waned, which is a really good thing. For quite a long time, the idea that a single person of marriageable age remaining unmarried was seen as undesirable. These individuals were viewed with some level of pity, with others supposing their lives would not be fulfilled, or they had some characteristic which made them less desirable as marriage partners.”  (Theresa Tan, The Straits Times 2024)

Still, societal acceptance doesn’t completely erase emotional needs. “Sometimes, you just want someone to hear about your day, not as a friend or colleague, but someone who understands you at the crux,” Hannah admits. “It’s comforting to come home to someone.”

Even so, she’s not in a rush. “It’s not about being anti-relationship,” she adds. “It’s about being pro-self.”

When asked if she’s still open to marriage, she shrugs and smiles. “If the right person comes along, great. If not, I think I’ll be okay.”

References

Ang, Shermaine. ‘If It Comes, It Comes’: Marriage? Kids? Singles Are in No Rush to Settle Down.” The Straits Times, The Straits Times, 3 July 2024,
https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/if-it-comes-it-comes-marriage-kids-singles-are-in-no-rush-to-settle-down

Tan, Theresa. "Rising share of singles is one main reason for Singapore’s great baby drought: Report" The Straits Times, The Straits Times, 10 June 2024,https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/rising-share-of-singles-is-one-main-reason-for-singapore-s-great-baby-drought-report