Too Much Pressure, Too Little Connection: The Single Life in SG Today

Johnathan Yeo, 27 is not dating, not planning to buy a house, and not in a hurry to do both.

As a business development assistant manager preparing to take over his family business, Johnathan works long hours and often ends his day emotionally drained. He lives a fast-paced life but when it comes to relationships, he’s deliberately taking things slow.

He shares that being single means less commitment and stress. If you’re in a relationship, you have to think about money, housing, and family. That’s a lot of responsibility for him, he also enjoys solitude, so he doesn’t feel the need to seek external relationships.

Johnathan’s decision might seem unusual to older generations, but it’s becoming more common among youths in Singapore and they’re doing so for many reasons.

The data from SingStat supports this shift. In 2004, around 190,000 men and 150,000 women aged 20 to 29 were single. And by 2024, those numbers rose to 210,000 and 190,000 respectively, highlighting a growing trend.

This rise reflects more than just economic challenges. While high living costs and work stress plays a part, it’s also about mindset and underlying emotions.

According to Maynard Wong, a self-employed relationship therapist and coach, this change is shaped by modern pressures and evolving values. “Young people today have more responsibilities than the previous generations. The income versus cost of living could provide additional stressors that cause relationships as one factor to be strained.”

Beyond financial stress, mental health awareness also influences how young people date which can be both helpful and harmful.

“The good thing is that people now are more mindful about boundaries and communicating their wants and expectations during the dating phase.” Mr Wong shared. However, “on the flip side, it’s giving rise to therapy talk. Where young people use therapy terms such as gaslighting, narcissistic, toxic, etc., on their partners without understanding fully what it means. And this damages relationships.”

He added “most of them feel a sense of insecurity and instability. While the causes may vary from childhood to adulthood, the symptoms are that they don’t feel ready to commit.”

Still, he is clear that commitment isn’t dead. “Most young people are becoming more aware. They still date and become couples but they may choose not to settle down that quickly.”

For Johnathan, financial stability, mental clarity and emotional rest comes first. “I am working full time and have no energy for dating. I believe by upgrading yourself financially and physically, you will meet the right person once you are ready for a relationship.” And he’s not alone in this mindset.

Mr Wong shares that there’s a cultural shift. “Previously the ideology was to get married and have kids and that’s the Singaporean dream. However, the trend nowadays is to either become DINKS (dual income no kids) or remain single. It may be seen as a “bad thing” only by previous generations.”

As Johnathan approaches his 30s, he isn’t stressed, for him, it’s about being ready, both emotionally and financially.